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Amy Letter's avatar

The kinds of connections we make on these platforms really intrigue me. You say after your friends' loss: "I regretted that I could not offer more than my own string of text in support." This makes me recall an essay from one of my students, in which, upon her grandfather's death, she shared the news on her preferred social media network (not Twitter). She wrote that almost immediately upon sharing this, she began to doubt her own intentions. Was she using her grandfather's death to garner sympathy and attention for herself? The experience tainted (her word) her grieving process, and made her feel that she'd betrayed her grandfather in some way. It seems to me that all too often the connections we make with these strings of text or photos or video do feel meaningful to us, but are inevitably undermined by feelings of regret, guilt, self-doubt, and so on, and that the cause of these negative feelings is the mode of the medium. Can I lament a loved one's death ON TWITTER without exploiting my loved one for attentional gain? Is the "support" that I receive there really support, or is it quantitative affirmation of my own attention-value? I guess what I'm suggesting is that even the items that fall into the "positive" side of the social media ledger are not as positive as they may seem, and that the same grieving person, were they spending less time on Twitter and more time among physically present friends, would be better comforted and in a way that does not make us doubt our own motives. The metrics are not just "a hell of a drug," they change the nature of our connections to our fellows and make them less authentic more performative and part of a "game" unrelated to the love we feel for our families and the loss we feel when they die.

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macFhiodhbhuidhe's avatar

As an individual who, albeit in a small fairly insignificant way, contributed to where the internet is today, I am constantly warring with myself over the value of any of this. I find myself pining for the days of mimeograph newsletters by mail. As a result I send few texts or emails, and invest the time and money in writing letters. It brings up many questions of validity. Are we only fooling ourselves with "social media" as public square, or even local pub?

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